Our little people

Another child in care died this week. He had been removed from a home, where he was safe and cared for so that he could be with family. That is the big issue these days. Children belong with family. Culture is being lost. The child won't know about his heritage.
I'm all for family pride, and for passing along our beliefs and customs to the next generation. But these members of the family need to be trained on how to raise broken, confused, often alcohol affected children. Just passing a child abuse check and police check doesn't make you equipped to deal with a fragile human. Education, support groups, respite workers, and involvement from your agency are all necessary. These tragedies will continue to happen until each foster home utilizes all of the resources available.
It's just a horrible situation. A woman, probably not a bad person, thought she had what it took to raise these two little people. She had love. That should do it, right? It isn't enough. If you want to build a house, desire alone is not going to cut it. You need tools, you need lumbar, you need skills. Why should raising a troubled toddler be any different? Why were these little ones placed in her home when she didn't have the proper training? Raising children in care is so different than raising your own kids. They have deep hurts, attachment issues, guilt, fear, insecurity. Their bodies have scars. They act out and test daily, to see what your limit is. Their brains are often damaged in the womb and they don't learn and remember the rules like our children do. They can frustrate the hell out of you.
I could never have cared for my foster children, using only the skills I aquired by raising my own kids. I relied on every ounce of training that I was given. Even then, I had to take frequent breaks to take care of myself. It's tough. I can't imagine taking two toddlers, with no support, no respite, no training. Just winging it. It was a disaster waiting to happen.
There is a former foster mom of this boy who is mourning him. She sat with him as he hung on to life, and as he was leaving his battered body. It is a foster parents worst nightmare. The little guy did not leave her home because she wanted him to. She had no control over that. She is not even sure if she'll be allowed to attend his funeral. She is looking to the Network for help to deal with this and we are at a loss. What do you say?
I'm feeling so many conflicting emotions. I'm sad for the foster mom, the bio parents, the extended family and yes, for the woman who reached her breaking point and did harm to a child. I'm mad at her too. And I'm mad at the system, which is so painfully flawed.
Mostly, I'm tearful as I think of all the placements that have left my home for a family members home. I pray they are safe and happy. I hope they remember me. I will never forget any of them.


Rest in peace little man...the world was not kind to you. I'm sorry your life wasn't better here. No more pain, fear, or tears. Just a perfect little angel, safe in heaven