Be Quiet and Listen

There was an incident with mom and baby today. She somehow convinced the respite worker to leave at lunch. She then proceeded to take a bus and went to visit the baby's dad. He has intermittent explosive anger disorder and is under no circumstances allowed to have unsupervised contact with the baby.

He recently broke up with mom. She misses him and thought that if he just saw his son, he would reconsider and want to work towards being a family again. Instead he spilled hot coffee on her, just missing the baby.
And me, I was obliviously at work while it all happened. I got a call, a few details.

I'm a little ashamed to say that I was pissed. What was she thinking? She should know better. Now I have to leave work and make sure baby is okay. On the way home, I prepared a lecture that was sure to get through to her. I really needed to drive home the fact that she would lose her baby if she puts him at risk like this. I planned to tell her that her boyfriend was no good for her and that she could do better. I had a lot to say.

Then I saw her face. She knew she had messed up. She looked shattered.

Something changed in me. In an instant. It was like I could feel her pain.

I saw her loneliness. This no good boyfriend was her only friend. She has people that take her shopping and to movies and such, but they all get paid to do it. Myself included. She has no one that will spend time with her because they just plain like her. She is too low functioning to keep the interest of a "normal" friend. And she is vulnerable so she attracts manipulative people who use her and then discard her. She is sweet and outgoing so she can make friends easily, but she has not been able to maintain a platonic relationship. She is exhausting so she burns people out quickly.

Ouch. That is a horrible place to be.

Where would I be without friends? People who listen to me and share with me. Who love me and therefore affirm that I am loveable?

I didn't give her what for. There are others who will take care of that. I just listened to her and tried to understand what her life must be like. And it hurt my heart when I heard her words. All my self rightousness and anger melted. Loneliness is a terrible thing. It can cloud your judgement and make you desperate. You will grab on to anything or anyone for it to subside, even for a short spell.

I will need to address the concerns, but not right now. Right now she needs a hug.