Yesterday afternoon, a man came into our office and asked to speak with me. I was in a training session, but I was told it sounded important. I went to meet him.
I immediately knew something was wrong. He smelled very strongly of alcohol and his eyes were wild.
We went to my office (alone, my first mistake). What happened next is all scattered in my mind. Partially because his thoughts and words were so random and all over the place. Partially, because I was terrified.
He did not phsically harm me, but never in my life have I been gripped by fear so intense. He was talking about foster parents abusing kids, his attempted suicides, his attempted murder of a foster parent. And he was mad, because these are the people I spend my time supporting and helping. I can only assume he was once in care and he was harmed by someone.
Finally my boss heard him in his agitated state and came to see what was going on. But for about 20 minutes, I was alone with this man and I trully thought I was going to die. He was a man with nothing to lose and had made it clear that he feared neither death nor prison. I kept thinking, this is it. This damn office is the last thing I'll see.
He did leave, without so much as laying a finger on me. But something was changed in me.
I have always thought myself to be a strong woman, not afraid of much. But I'm on day two of shaking and hyperventilating. I'm very surprised by my reaction to this incident. Someone touches my shoulder and I hit the roof. The elevator opens and my heart pounds in my ears. His smell was still there this morning.
I hope this passes soon. I'm a mess and I'm not sure why I'm so affected. It's not like I was assaulted. I feel like a coward.
Thank God it Friday.
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4 comments:
Oh Joanne! You need to talk to someone professionally about this. This is serious, no one should be constantly looking over their shoulder. Why did he choose you? Did you work on a case with his children? I am so sorry. I will pray for peace for you AND for him.
I don't think you should feel like a coward AT ALL! Your job alone requires so much strength and courage that coward should not even be in your vocabulary. Your story freaks me out so I can't imagine how you are feeling Joanne. I will continue to pray for your safety and the safety of all these children.
thinking/praying for you joanne.
Oh my goodness Jo, that sounds really frightening. I guess its been a few weeks now, I hope you aren't feeling afraid anymore.
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